Our Little Miracle...

That's right...we were PREGNANT!  To say that I was in shock would be an understatement!  I mean, I had tested just two days earlier and it was as negative as negative could get!  Could this really be possible??  Now we had been here before...twice...so we knew that this was just the beginning of a new kind of anxiety!  But this time we were going to do things differently!  We had agreed, after Chris had shared with the congregation our story, that we were going to not walk in fear the next time around.  We were going to share with others our news and seek to use the most powerful tool in our toolbox...PRAYER!  We knew what it was like to tell no one, go through the loss alone and then end up telling everyone anyway so that we could receive the support of those who love us!  We knew that what felt like protection, ended up, for us, feeling like like the opposite.  Chris just so happened to be preaching that coming weekend and his message was on prayer...coincidence...I think not!  So we prayerfully decided that we were going to share our news with our church family, and allow God to use whatever came next to minister not only to us, but anyone else He chose!  We wanted to be transparent, even if it meant walking through another loss much more publicly.  So the weekend arrived and Chris told about 2200 people about our little, barely 4 week old, miracle!  The love and support that poured in was overwhelming!  It still brings tears to my eyes as I remember hearing the stories of encouragement from those who have experienced what I had and had gone on to have 2, 3, 4, even 5 kids!  To look down at my non-existent belly and know that the little life growing inside had literally hundreds and maybe thousands of people praying for him/her.  I knew that no matter what transpired over the next few weeks, we had made the right decision for us...this is what God wanted us to do and we felt incredible peace about it.

This go around I had switched OBGYN's and began seeing Dr. Anzaldo!  He was the doctor that delivered my twin sisters (who are now 19)!  He was a specialist in high risk pregnancies (which I was now considered).  I called to let them know I had a positive test...and so began a journey I knew too well!  I had blood tests to confirm my levels and began on the Progesterone again to make sure those levels remained within normal range.  But the Lord did something I didn't even knew I needed this go around...He gave me a normal experience.  What I mean is, that the last go around it was test after test, ultrasound after ultrasound and the anxiety I felt on a daily basis was so high because I literally was always waiting for some kind of result to be available to me.  But no this time...this time I had a doctor who was very calm and when my initial test results came back normal, he moved forward as if I was any other woman who walked into his office.  He didn't schedule an early ultrasound, instead he scheduled me the typical 8 week ultrasound was standard for anyone.  You would think that this would cause me more anxiety but surprisingly it didn't...it gave me hope, it made me feel normal!  God was so good!

We went in for that first ultrasound full of anxiety, anticipation and fear!  It wasn't this ultrasound that we needed to make it through, honestly we felt that until we had two good ultrasounds, we weren't in the clear because last time we had one good one and then the bad one.  But we still looked on in hope that what we would see on the screen was a little, growing, healthy baby...and this is what we saw...

It was our healthy little baby, heartbeat and all!  We were so excited!  The nurse that did the ultrasound said that she would have us come back in 2 weeks so that we could see the baby again.  It was so nice because she explained that what she saw looked "perfect" but that she knew that we had gone through a lot and wanted us to have the assurance that everything was ok!  Such a different experience then what we had last time...again...God is so good!

Two weeks later, we went back...and held our breath, waiting in the room for the nurse to come in.  Chris and I actually joked (pretty much at every appointment) that because we have had so many ultrasounds in the past that basically we could just do them ourselves and had to fight the urge to just take the wand and begin our own exam!  We fought the urge and of course waited for the nurse.  She came in and began the ultrasound and we waited silently for her report...and again she said "there's your baby, and everything looks perfect"!!  The relief was instantaneous!  Maybe this really was it!  Here is a pic of our little miracle at this 9 week appointment...

The baby had grown so much!  The baby kind of resembled more of a hamster than a baby, but gosh darn it he/she was our little hamster and we couldn't be more proud!  And so the obnoxious "oohing and ahhing" of parenthood began!  The next milestone to reach was our 12 month mark...this of course is the "magic week" for those who are pregnant as it marks the end of the first trimester and the risk of miscarriage drops to less than 5%.  We couldn't wait to get to this point!  The weeks went by, the prayers were lifted and finally we made it!  A little self disclosure...I spent the first trimester praying and pleading with God to let me have morning sickness!  That's right, you heard me, I wanted to have morning sickness!  I wanted some sign, some signal, that I was having a normal, healthy pregnancy!  But, alas, I was not sick!  Looking back, I am so thankful for that blessing, but in the moment I really wanted to be violently ill so that I could bask in all of my pregnant glory!  At 12 weeks we got to go in for another ultrasound and to meet with Dr. Anzaldo for the first time!  It was an amazing experience on so many levels.  First, God confirmed without a doubt that He had brought us to the perfect doctor for our situation.  He introduced himself, began making small talk and through that time we discovered that he is a believer and is actually on the Elder Board of a local church.  Before he began the ultrasound he did something so unexpected and so meaningful...he asked us if we could all pray together before he began the exam!  It was amazing, and I am tearing up just thinking about how amazing it was to have this man, my doctor, pray for our baby with us...it was incredible!  We were so excited to see the ultrasound...our little baby was going to look like a real, recognizable baby!  Here is what we saw...PERFECTION!

It was so cool to see our baby look like a baby!  With each passing appointment we began getting more and more comfortable with believing that this was really happening for us...in a few short months we were going to be parents to a little girl or little boy!  In June we went on a family vacation to Maui...it was amazing!  We so enjoyed, the sun and relaxation.  We had 15 glorious days in paradise, but knew that when we got back we had only 1 week to go before we got to find out if our little bundle of joy was a HE or a SHE!  We were so excited!!