Being that my husband and I are about to embark on this incredible, joyous and terrifying journey called parenthood I thought it appropriate to begin a little blog...one, because isn't that what us mom's do...find a medium to post every cute, cuddly and hysterical picture of our baby for the world to see?? And two, I thought it might be an opportunity for us to share our life more openly with our friends and family as well as allow the Lord to use the happenings of our life to bless, challenge, encourage and minister to others. Not that we are anything particularly special, but we all have experiences both bad and good, that when shared with others gives God the opportunity to do something with them, something greater than we might even think! This blog will primarily be used to post updates on our little man before and after he comes into the world...but given that we have had a bit of a road getting to this point I thought it only appropriate to chronicle those experiences so that we never forget what an incredible BLESSING this little guy is! So here goes...
On November 5, 2011 Chris and I got married...happiest day of our lives up until that point and one that set us on our journey as a married couple! Little did we know that in two short months we would encounter the beginning of a journey we never could have anticipated! In January 2012 I was late...you know late! I had been on Birth Control and I mean, totally taking it, set my phone for noon everyday, never missed a pill on birth control! So, as these things go, I didn't think much of it...I talked with friends at work, complaining about how irregular things had been and to my surprise everyone was urging me to take a test. But why would I take a test when I am on Birth Control?? Isn't the pill like 99% effective?? I ignored it, but two hour later was on my way to see a client and running early so I decided to run an errand at Target, funnily enough, to pick up my Birth Control. While there, I decided to buy a pregnancy test and take it to prove to everyone that I was indeed NOT pregnant. Well shock of all shocks...the test came up, in bold, no squinting or reading the directions twelve times to see if there should be one line or two, plus or minus...PREGNANT!! I was literally in shock. Shaking, crying, terrified to call my husband of two months SHOCK! Just a little aside--if you know anything about my husband you would know that he does not like surprises! He looks online before reality shows air to know the outcome, he never wants a surprise party, he seriously hates surprises (unless they are gifts of some sort). He definitely doesn't like life changing surprises, he likes to be prepared! So this news was going to be BIG! So I walked to the car and contemplated calling anyone and I mean anyone other than Chris because I was terrified of what he would say...I mean we had a plan, we would wait at least a year. But trying to adjust to this new role of wife and feeling that my husband should be the first one I call with news like this, especially since I took the dang test in a Target bathroom by myself. So I sucked it up and dialed his number. He picked up and I stumbled through telling him the news and, as he so often does, he surprised me with the words "well that's great"! I became a puddle of tears and let the news sink in for the first time...I am pregnant! We are going to be parents! We were scared and excited, calling our parents and sharing our happy news. Like many who went before me I immediately called my Doctor and made an appointment to confirm the test...which by the end of that night I had taken 3 and all said pregnant so this appointment felt more like a formality but it seemed to be what people on TV did when they got pregnant so I figured that was the next step.
The next day I went in to the doctor and took a test, only to be told that the results were negative...what!? "No", I said, "you don't understand, I took three tests at home and they were all positive"! The doctor, in shock that I was actually excited about being pregnant seeing as how I was on the pill, said, "oh, ok well these tests aren't as sensitive as the home ones so let's send you to get a blood test". So after waiting, and waiting and waiting and calling and waiting some more I finally got the results of the blood test...I was indeed pregnant but "really really early pregnant" was the doctor's clinical interpretation! So he referred me to my OBGYN and I called to set up my first appointment. This was when things took a turn. After them reviewing my blood test they asked that I take another test in two days and that they test my Progesterone as well as HCG (the pregnancy hormone). They told me this will tell them more about the viability of the pregnancy. This was like a dagger to my heart! I knew that I had only been pregnant for like a nanosecond but man was I attached to this little person growing inside of me...I couldn't imagine the thought of losing him/her. So I waited again, the agonizing two days to take the second test and then waited some more...harassing the poor receptionist at the OB's office about every hour to see if my results were in yet. And finally, at around 3pm that Friday...just four days after getting life changing news, the tide turned again and I heard the words "I'm so sorry but your numbers didn't double and your progesterone is only at a 3, you most likely will miscarry"! I was devastated! I prayed and prayed that this would not be the words I heard...that this little miracle that was created despite our own human planning was gone, would not grow into a little chubby baby for us to love. My heart was broken! I told Chris the news and our family and we mourned together...but our journey wasn't over.
After getting over the shock of the news, Chris and I had our first of many discussions about what to do next. I mean we hadn't planned to get pregnant, so do we just keep moving forward with our original plan, or did this change everything? Well I think it was a little different for both of us. I mean for him it was this idea, something that would become more real in the months to come but to me, this baby had been in my body, growing, it had changed me! I wanted to be a mom and I felt it in my bones! So how do we move forward with me wanting something so much but also recognizing that while it created the same desire in Chris it wasn't as urgent to him as it was to me. Well we decided to do what, in hindsight, was a little unrealistic give all the knowledge I accumulated about how a person gets pregnant...we decided to just go off the pill and see what happens! Ha! That looked a little like this...Chris thinking you can get pregnant at any time during the month and enjoying the "this could take a few months or more" outlook on the situation. Meanwhile, I became a pregnancy, ovulation expert...and I am not kidding, you ask anyone in my intimate circle what it was like and they will tell you that I became affectionately known as "Dr. Ward" at work. If you wanted to get pregnant I was going to help you get it done! I started taking my temperature, tracking my ovulation and anyone else's who would let me! In a matter of three months I managed to help BOTH my friends at work get pregnant (I obviously wasn't involved in the most important part of that creation but you bet I took responsibility for as much if it as I could)...I was on fire! But I also became somewhat, ok ALOT, obsessed! Every month I would wait to test and every month and for the next three months I became increasingly devastated when the test turned up negative. It was now April and I had gotten yet another negative test...I was upset! Chris in his wise and caring way sat me down and said "I think that this is becoming unhealthy. This is supposed to be fun but for you it is so difficult with each passing month and I hate to see you so upset, maybe God is trying to tell us we need to stop the tracking and take a little breather from trying to control the situation". This was exactly what I needed to hear...not only was this taking a toll on me emotionally but it was affecting him as well and that is not what I wanted...so I put the thermometer down, stopped the testing and just let it be. And wouldn't you know...that very next month I got the shock of a lifetime on May 23, 2012 I saw the results I had been waiting for...I was PREGNANT!
To be continued...
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